Roller Coasters and Personal Happiness
It was more than a decade ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. Due to an ill-fated combination of my body dimensions and retro design elements, I got stuck in a roller coaster seat in front of dozens of strangers, and a group of companions that happened to include a former boyfriend. Perhaps the best part of the story is that it took two amusement park staffers to pry me out of the seat.
Fortunately, the people around me found the situation to be more hilarious than anything else. We laughed about the incident for the rest of the day, which probably kept me from feeling too embarrassed. That said, when I reflect on that event, I know the whole situation could've been avoided if I had been honest with myself and those around me. Truth is, I don't like roller coasters! I don't enjoy being whipped around corners or dangled upside down, let alone standing in line for 45-minutes.
The obvious question emerges: why did I get on the roller coaster that day? Honestly, it was because I didn't want to be the reason that someone else experienced discomfort. Someone in our even-numbered troupe would've ended up riding the coaster alone or with a stranger.
Maybe it's a symptom of Middle Child Syndrome, but this propensity to "keep the peace" is something that I have grappled with my whole life. I have often chosen discomfort, let someone else take the credit, or taken the blame or a backseat in service of the relevant greater good. If I can see a way to keep others from experiencing unpleasantness in a situation, I will do what it takes, even if it detracts from my own experience. I don't make these kinds of concessions at significant moments but, when it comes to the small things, it's been a long-term habit. (If there aren't enough beds at the rental house, I volunteer to take the couch!)
A few years ago, with the help of an Executive Coach, I realized that those small concessions were really starting to add up. Those tiny trade-offs were beginning to define my relationships with people and create a false sense of who I am. That point of view also assumes people around me won't be able to navigate and then recover from minor conflict.
I had to realize that it's not my burden to keep everyone around me happy; it is my burden to strive for and protect my own happiness. This seems like a revelation worth sharing! We owe it to ourselves to show up truthfully in every aspect of our lives, no matter how ephemeral the circumstance.
Genia Wright, Free Time Aficionado
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